


To Dream

by tattsun_senpai



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Animal Death, reflecting on reimei revolution and the past in general, suicide ideation, tatsumi is nonbinary also i'm just throwing out my agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:13:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25178989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattsun_senpai/pseuds/tattsun_senpai
Summary: As someone who could never dream, Tatsumi wondered what it felt like to emerge in his mind’s hand-crafted wonderland.He wanted to understand, so he wrote a story.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 4





	To Dream

**Author's Note:**

> So my recent fics have been like... loosely connected, I guess? All following the theme of sleep and stuff; the first one following Kaname (When You Wake Up,), then OGmeru (Please, Let Me Sleep), and now Tatsumi (To Dream). But these don't all take place in the same universe if that makes sense. I just have a bunch of different ideas that I like writing out. Since there's only so much we know about the relationship between these three, I think it's nice to experiment around with different scenarios and possibilities for their interactions and feelings and such. It's all for fun and exploring psychology and the characters, personally!!
> 
> Only real content warnings here are for suicide ideation and depictions of animal death. Please traverse carefully if you are sensitive to these topics!!

Tatsumi was never one to vocalize his struggles or make a big deal out of any of them.

Maybe he despised all the attention on him, or maybe it was a hatred for being vulnerable and weak. Maybe he just couldn’t find the words to say and instead shut down when asked what was wrong. But he was used to that. He was used to keeping everything to himself.

The only way he could allow himself to vent was pressing his pen to paper in his notebook. The other members of Alkaloid knew of Tatsumi’s hobby of writing, and though they asked to peek inside from time to time, none of them truly knew of the contents of his private sanctuary.

It was for the best that the journal was kept hidden from their innocent eyes, at least until Tatsumi was ready to come out with the truth about everything. From his role in the revolution to the fragile life he once guided to death’s doorway; Tatsumi’s journal was full of the darkest corners of his mind he just couldn’t reveal to the people who had given him another shot at redemption.

It was midnight, and usually, Tatsumi would be resting comfortably in his bunk bed. But his mind was running rampant with thoughts he couldn’t ignore no matter how hard he tried. Hiiro and Aira had fallen asleep around an hour or so ago. Even Mayoi had headed to bed relatively early compared to normal, so the pastor was the only one left awake in the dorm room. 

It wasn’t often he was left alone with his thoughts in the dead of night. Usually, he’d only be accompanied by them early in the morning, before the sun rose. And by the time his unit mates woke up, he’d have his head straightened, greeting them all with his typical charming smile. Tatsumi liked writing after waking up. It helped him start his morning, and reflect on whatever he may remember from the day before.

So being left with this opportunity at night was a new experience for him.

Tatsumi _wanted_ to sleep, but no matter how tight he shut his eyes, his body refused to comply. From the twitching of his leg to the muffled thoughts scattered in his mind, it was practically impossible for him to rest.

Maybe getting a drink of water would help him feel better.

Tatsumi made sure to step down the ladder of his bunk bed carefully, both to not wake any of the sleeping unit mates and to avoid bringing his leg as much pain as possible. They had some bottled water in the room, so grabbing one of those and just winding down for the rest of the night would be ideal. He took the bottle and was ready to slither back under his covers.

He stopped moving once he saw his notebook on the counter.

Did he leave it there? Certainly, nobody peeked inside, right? Even with how curious someone like Hiiro was, or how _strange_ and perverse someone like Mayoi was, they would at the very least respect these boundaries Tatsumi had set, right? He picked up the notebook, along with the pen sitting at its side. It seemed to have been left untouched, but paranoia still coursed through his veins as he scanned through the pages to make sure nothing had been tampered with.

...It was just as he had left it. But he knew he had to do a better job at hiding it if he wanted to keep his corrupt secrets for just a moment longer.

Maybe this would work out, Tatsumi thought to himself. He could write something and head to bed. He had a small nightlight by his bunk for those frequent nights where he read to lull him into a blissful sleep.

Tatsumi eventually got back in his bed, water left unopened and sitting on his mattress. He turned on his nightlight and opened his notebook to a fresh page.

With how Tatsumi never vocalized his pain, one would assume his journal would serve more as a diary of sorts - a place for him to vent frustrations and let it all out. But there wasn’t much beauty to expressing feelings so directly. He found it much easier to put emotions into stories. 

They were never long, and often barely developed. But they were enough to make him feel better in the moment, and may just be vague enough for the average person to not notice the true meaning behind his words. However, sometimes his stories still reflected the horrific thoughts that engulfed his mind from time to time. From characters running in a maze of mirrors with fake reflections to heads being chopped off with hearts ripped out of chests - Tatsumi wrote all sorts of different stories to get his mind off his suffering.

What did he want to write tonight, he wondered? Perhaps a story about someone escaping a world of dread and misery by running to their dreams?

The concept sounded appealing, but Tatsumi knew he couldn’t tackle the topic accurately. He could never dream, no matter how much he may have craved it. He couldn’t even be blessed with horrific nightmares welcoming him into his personal hell. His mind was simply blank every night.

He’d always wondered what would greet him; what he would hear and feel as he traversed an untouched world where he was the one playing God. Tatsumi was aware _of_ dreams, but unsure of the contents lurking inside. Whenever Aira rambled on about some dream he had, it was always weird and nonsensical. Topics would jump from place to place, and details would begin to blend as if they never existed at all.

So maybe he’d go for something more chaotic? Using the disorganized mess as some sort of metaphor for the thoughts in his head?

That sounded nice to him, so all he had to think of now was the main character to enter this corrupted dreamland.

He conceptualized a few ideas, ultimately going with the first one to stick in his head. They wouldn’t have a physical form or even gender. He found himself not caring for those matters in creating his characters as of late. Something was nice about a character not being stuck to the limits of ‘male’ or ‘female’. He found comfort in it that he couldn’t quite explain. They wouldn’t speak. There was no point in them talking, instead letting the reader (or writer in this case) project whatever they wished onto this mute, blank slate.

He contemplated writing a warm-up of sorts, but ultimately decided against it. He was rather tired and just wanted to get things out now. He wasn’t striving for perfection. He just put his pen to the page, writing the words and concepts coming to his mind.

The scene was pleasant. The lone white soul stood in a large field, filled with nothing but beautiful flowers and all sorts of trees of all sizes and types. The world was organized perfectly, and the only sound running through the air was the rustling grass from their footsteps and the gentle breeze accompanying them.

Eventually, they paused, deciding to take a seat in the grass. The sun shone brightly, but it didn’t hurt to look at. It was comforting, if anything, to stare at the fire in the sky. The figure laid down, feeling a tinge of blissful euphoria as the wavering grass lightly tickled their cheek.

They almost let themselves drift into slumber, feeling nothing but serenity and warmth at this very moment. But something stopped them - a sudden feeling of fluffiness at their side. They sat up, investigating the source of this new company. They were greeted by two rabbits, identical in their gray coloring. But one was significantly smaller and hid behind the larger one, seemingly afraid to show its face.

The mute creature simply stared at the two, reaching out a hand to delicately pet the twins. The larger of the two rabbits was suddenly hesitant, a new and unwelcoming glint forming in its eye. The timid one, however, hopped out of its hiding spot to welcome the gesture. The creature was kind, treating the rabbit as if it was as fragile as glass.

Even with the larger rabbit’s reluctance, the three ended up all cuddled together. It was warm, though the world felt as if it froze. They gazed up at the sky, the only sound filling the air being muffled mumbles from the bunny companions. The figure couldn’t make any of it out, but that was fine. The tone seemed fuzzy and comforting, so they didn’t mind not being able to understand the words being said.

As they looked into the sky, they pointed to all the clouds that danced around in the air. Some took clear shapes of animals or flowers, others being unrecognizable blobs of complete nothingness. It was fun to see what nature created in its atmosphere, and with each silly form the clouds took, the quiet soul could feel a silent laugh bubbling up in their chest.

There was one cloud that stood out compared to the rest, however.

A horizontal line stood still, appearing like an oddity in comparison to the other round clouds surrounding it. It began to shift in shape, slowly but surely. The line grew longer and eventually opened up to reveal the beautiful clear blue sky hiding behind it.

.

.

.

But it wasn’t blue.

It was abnormal, the opening showcasing nothing but a void of deep crimson. The creature didn’t wish to think much of it. Maybe it was a delusion or just a lonesome angry cloud that couldn’t fit in with the rest of the world.

They tried going back to their state of joy and relaxation but still felt a chill down their spine as the red taunted them. It was calling out something, just like the rabbits had done before. But something about it didn’t seem as welcoming. They were sounds they couldn’t pick up, but they were laced with hatred.

It was then they heard something drip onto the ground.

A rainstorm started to form from the one opening in that lonely cloud. There was something off about the rain - something the spirit couldn’t put a finger on. It wasn’t until it landed on a lovely flower by their side that they could tell what was wrong.

The flower, after just a single drop, soon wilted and became drenched in black. The storm could only continue, contaminating the beauty and burying the world in a disgusting color.

The creature stood up, taking both rabbits into their arms and huddling them from the rain. They still didn’t know what was going on, but they knew they had to keep their friends safe. The world around them collapsed as the rain continued to pour out of the sky. More flowers wilted, the leaves of trees descended to the ground without a trace, and the floors below them started to crumble and shake. Even still, they kept their grip on their friends strong. And though their sanctuary started to fall apart, for some reason the rain couldn’t touch the white being themselves.

If only they had realized how badly they were suffocating the innocent creatures.

The larger of the two pushed the frail rabbit outside their grip, soon jumping out to follow it. The smaller one ended up landing somewhere in the rain’s reach, and before the other one knew it, the drops landed on the poor creature.

It felt like acid. Its skin started to fall apart, ripping holes into wherever the rain hit. Their gray fur - or whatever may be left of it - became doused in deep obsidian. It was then that bone seeped out of their form, the sounds of cracking echoed as its body grew weak and collapsed to the ground. It could feel its brain itch, and every instinct in its body was begging for it to cry out in agony. As it laid on the ground, its still-beating heart could be seen through its chest. It was so small; so very delicate just like the poor rabbit who put so much faith into this unknown being.

The rabbit, in its final moments, looked toward its only two friends. It gave as much of a smile as it could with its distorted complexion, letting out pathetic words of love before its exposed heart stopped beating.

The larger bunny rushed out from the protective shadow, making sure its lifelong companion was okay. But it wasn’t. It was far from gone, and all that was leftover was a mess of sludge and gore. It looked toward the taller, vague creature, a look of revulsion clear in its eyes. It was then the rain started to hit it as well, and it met a similar fate to the only creature it had ever cared for in its life.

Again, the main figure standing center stage couldn’t hear any words that left the rabbit’s mouth, but they could tell it was far from loving. Their tone, even if muffled through complete static, only gave the being a feeling of nausea. And then its heart was left open on the crumbling earth, deteriorating as its bones cracked and faded away.

The lone spirit couldn’t do anything. They looked at the two rabbits, bending down and investigating the corpses. They were long gone, and would never come back. The storm grew, and it felt as though thunder was ready to crack at any moment. But it never struck.

The being sobbed endlessly, wondering why they had failed to protect these creatures they cared for. Guilt panged their wry heart, observing the damage that had been done to such innocent, happy creatures.

Their glance shifted back to the sky, now filled with nothing but the corrupted crimson mixed with black swirling through the air. There was a downpour, and every inch around them started to fall apart. But they still couldn’t be hit with the rain.

Why?

Why did this world hate them so?

They were desperate for anything, hoping maybe their friends wouldn’t hate them as much if they joined them. Maybe their death would make it up to the once pure rabbits. Maybe they’d be happy in heaven or hell - wherever it was they ended up.

They prayed silently that the rain would take them next; that they would soon become submerged in this sinful color that represented them so well. 

But no matter how much they begged, or how much the storm continued to rage on, their soul was never drowned in that horrendous color. They fell to their knees in front of their victims, covering their eyes as they cried their heart out. Their paradise could only fall apart, while the rain dodged the figure sitting all on their lonesome. 

It was a punishment worse than death. This everlasting guilt would never leave, and they would never disappear no matter how desperate they were for it to come true. Their perfect world would continue to die without them.

.

.

.

And then they woke up,

**Author's Note:**

> Tatsumi's story is meant to reflect how he views the entire situation of reimei revolution, and the impact he had on the lives of the original HiMERU and Kaname. Things suddenly turn wrong in the dream for seemingly no reason, because Tatsumi still doesn't fully understand what it is that he did wrong. He just knows he's messed something up, and that he's ruined people because of it. He's willing to die if it will bring joy to Kaname and HiMERU, but he's far too much of a coward to go through with anything. He only hopes that one day the world surrounding him will take his life before he can himself.
> 
> This was actually inspired by part of a TatsuMayo roleplay with a friend (Tatsumi writing a story to help cope with intrusive thoughts,) but realized it could maybe fit with reimei revolution with some editing and rewriting.  
> I'm not as proud as this one if I'm honest - But still, I hope you did enjoy it. If not, that's okay too!! Either way, I hope you all have a lovely day ^_^
> 
> twt as always is @HiMERU_reimei. I'm stuck in a writing frenzy. Idk what's going on my brain is just hoo hoo writing time :)


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